Tuesday, 10 September 2013

The complain-y post...

I want to warn you that I am about to complain a whole lot. If you don't want to read my moans and groans, feel free to just skip this one and I'll probably be much more chipper next week... ETA- I wrote this yesterday and now have a little more perspective- especially after a 2 hour phone call to my parents, who listened to me moan then politely and lovingly told me to shut up and get over myself. I realise just how lucky I am to be pregnant, to be living in such an amazing place and to have the sort of problems people would give an arm to have. I considered not posting this at the risk of sounding ungrateful or whiny, but honestly, I don't like blogs that constantly paint everything as rosy. Living abroad isn't always easy. Being pregnant isn't always easy, and neither is moving house. I suppose really what is required is being gracious about the things that don't go so well and accepting them as par for the course. So forgive my grumpy ramblings!

The hot weather has finally broken. I'm starting with something I am thankful for, in the spirit of fairness. It's a balmy 80F (about 25C) and there is a glorious breeze that makes the world just a much more pleasant place to be. I am SO glad about this, since I really felt trapped in the house last week. Even going out in the car made me feel over-heated and miserable, and we don't have air-conditioning in our bedroom so sleep was terrible for a good few days. The walk to church yesterday was such a pleasant experience, I remembered why we love living here. The rest of the weekend was rough, however.

I was in a terrible mood on Saturday. Really irritable and grumpy and fed up and ready to just throw something or stab someone. Everything husband did drove me CRAZY- sometimes justified, sometimes not. We are safely entrenched in packing hell. There are boxes everywhere. We can't find anything (this morning we realised my husband has 'misplaced' his ID card for work. It opens all the doors, pays for his lunch and is basically the only thing he needs for work. My job for the day will be to find it *Sigh*.) I am getting incredibly frustrated that I can't just get on with it. Husband is adament I shouldn't be lifting anything or climbing anywhere so has taken on the entire move all by himself. All the cleaning, all the moving boxes. It's driving me nuts. The flip side of this is that I am finally starting to feel really enormous, and I am getting seriously tired again (oh third trimester...) so generally trying to get stuff done in the house is becoming challenging. I'm banging into things (and am covered in bruises for it) especially as the space in the house slowly fills up with boxes and deconstructed furniture. We move on Friday and Saturday, so at least we only have a few more days of chaos.

One of my main issues this week has been food. Or rather my husband, food and I. I had noticed that the last 2 weeks-ish I've not put any weight on. This isn't the first time this has happened, and honestly, I've been eating a bit healthier the last few weeks rather than my previous ice-cream and cookie addiction. I wasn't overly surprised that my weight gain had slowed. I think I just have to accept this is part of my pregnancy. Unfortunately I made the mistake of telling my husband, who went into 'fix it' mode. On a day where I was already irritable and annoyed, this was the final straw for me. I didn't want 'fixed', I just wanted to buy an enormous tub of ice-cream from trader joe's and be left alone to eat it. He was going on and on about more protein, and what apps he could use to monitor my dietary intake and I was ready to scream. I do understand that he feels pretty disconnected from the whole pregnancy process, and he just wants to get involved. This feels like something he can do. The flip side of that is that I just feel infantilised by his concern, like I'm not to be trusted to handle things for myself. It all came to a head at night when he told me he'd tracked my diet for the whole day. I was livid. It turned out that actually I had met all my dietary requirements for the day. All of them. It stopped my husband going on about it, so it was a good thing in the end. We'll see how long this particular detente lasts...

We had something of a Pram-fail this weekend that didn't help my mood any. We had decided months ago that we wanted a Britax B-Agile Travel system in Red. The last week or two it has been on sale in Target. We have a Target credit card that gives us 5% off everything, so all in it was a brilliant deal that made it dirt cheap, but we've been putting off buying it because of the house move. Long story short, we tried to buy it on Saturday, but they couldn't tell us when it would be delivered- anytime between Thursday and Tuesday, ie. right over moving weekend. This just made it impossible to buy it this weekend. And on Sunday the special offer ended so it's now $100 more expensive than it was last week. *Sighs again* I was so annoyed. We have now found another offer we can use that means we can go and buy it next weekend (in the middle of the house move...) and still save most of the money, so it's really not a disaster, but it definitely didn't help my mood.

I think part of the problem was the hormonal/emotional/subconscious response to hitting the 3rd trimester. I have had this overwhelming urge to just get things ready for Kick arriving. I was panicking about not having any of the stuff we need (we have some clothes but no socks. She will have cold feet. This felt like a disaster at 11pm on Saturday night). On the one hand, I know I don't have to have anything sorted for another 12 weeks. Even if she's born early she won't be coming home with us right away, so there's no point in getting worked up about it. And yet... Husband and I had a long talk about it on our Saturday evening walk round our local park. It definitely helped to discuss it, even if there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Creating more chaos in the apartment is not helping, but by next weekend we'll be in a new house with a nursery in it. Then the week after I can go and get most of the stuff we need. I can't wait for that week, but I'll just have to be patient. Good skill to work on I suppose.

After managing to get some good sleep this weekend, last night was a disaster. Husband spent yesterday taking down curtain rails and shelves and things we'd put up in the apartment ourselves and using spackle (Polyfilla) to repair the holes. This included my wonderful, wonderful blackout curtains. The room was light from 6am and I was AWAKE. So was the cat, who just wanted cuddles, and tried to sleep on my bump, which honestly was not that comfortable. I finally got comfy and then realised I was lying in a massive wet patch. Turns out I'd been leaking breastmilk onto my sheets. The day before I'd woken up with the sheet sticking to me, which was pretty confusing, but it was early and I didn't think too much of it. Now I know why. So today will involve a shopping trip for bras to wear to bed and breast pads, which I honestly didn't think I'd need for a very long time. No idea what leaking so much breastmilk at this stage means, or if it means anything at all. Probably not, really, but it's nice to know that I definitely make the stuff, even if the only beneficiary right now is our mattress protector.

So there you have it. A list of reasons why this weekend was kind of crappy. There were some highlights, in spite of it all. Football season has started back up, so Saturday was college games and Sunday the NFL, all of which makes me happy (we'll gloss over the fact the Dodgers got swept by the Reds...) there was an AMAZING meatball sub from my favourite place to get lunch, Bay Cities Deli in Santa Monica, which just happens to be next door to the fabric shop. There was also the fact Kick spent a large chunk of the weekend living up to her name. She actually kicks less and rolls aound more these days, which is something of a relief as those kicks were starting to get really quite significant in force. Unfortunately she also discovered all that lovely space I've been hiding from her under my ribs, but she doesn't seem too interested in it yet, just the occassional foray so perhaps it won't be so bad. Anybody else have a weekend they wish they could do over? Or had such a good one they want to tell me all about it? All stories gratefully received, especially when I have a day of packing to look forward to...


  1. Oh I am sorry it was hard... but, it does sound overwhelming, mostly it's lots of stuff happening at the same time and moves are no small affair.

    Our weekend was nice... we were mostly walking around cities all day long and discovering places.
    But then... the weather seems to be changing and Monday and Thursday has been raining, gray and windy and we have less and less light and the whole thing just made me sad, irritable, grumpy... because I wanted to go out and couldn't make myself face the storm.
    Hugs ! And I hope you are already feeling better.

    1. That sounds so lovely Amanda, that is definitely one of the things I miss most about living in Europe- lazy days wandering round a city finding little bakeries with good coffee, bars with amazing draft beers and parks full of playing children. There are lots of beautiful little towns in California, but most of them are a LONG drive from LA!

      I guess I also have to remember that it's not worth romanticising Autumn in Europe too much- the flip side of boots and woollen tights and crisp mornings is relentless rain, wet feet and dark afternoons!

  2. I'm doing this so backwards. I already texted you about this post and now here I am commenting on it. Oh well. I'm sorry things were so hard. I completely and utterly get it. It's so hard to handle daily life when pregnant and you have WAY more on your plate than just day-to-day stuff. I hope next week is better now that you're all moved in.

    Also, so weird about the leaking breastmilk (actually just colostrum according to be BFing class). I haven't had that happen at all yet. You must be a milk-machine.

    1. Definitely Colostrum- it looks like custard and stains everything! I have no idea if this has anything to do with actual milk production. I feel a bit like a cow already and I'm not actually feeding anyone! Our breastfeeding class is in October so I guess I'll find out then. At least I know it's normal and not some sort of pus from an infection, which was my first reaction the first time it happened! Thanks for all the moral support this week, you're such a good cheerleader!


want to disagree? tell me I'm marvellous? Go 'write' ahead...